The *right* time to have children?

When is the 'right time'?

I don't think there's a right age or time but more a right mentality & readiness- to me it's not so much about age or financial stability but about how focused you are as a person to genuinely wanting a child. To me it's far worse to have a child because you're a "that point in life" and it's what people at your life stage do than it is to have one in a less than ideal financial state.

Is there a specific age which you feel is too young? Or too old?

Too young I'd say anything before the end of high school, I was pregnant age 17 and it's hard- possibly what is hardest is staying positive about the prospects for your baby when everyone around you wants to make you feel like a dirty, naughty girl who is ambitionless and wants to be a scrounger for life. I spent most my pregnancy keeping my head down, making sure i finished my A-levels (which I did- all 5 of them) and feeling very much ashamed to be at any of my appointments or antenatal classes. I was judged and felt the world had already branded me a bad mother before I'd even held my daughter and I spent her entire first year fighting hard against stereotypes to prove we weren't going to be another statistic.

I'm not sure what I'd say is too old- I do know I'm 30 now and running around after a 2 year old is alot harder physically than when I was doing it at 20, as was waking in the night at 28 compared to 18... at 18 I could still run in my 9th month of pg, at 28 I needed DH to help me off the sofa at night I think I'd be in the nackers yard if i tried it at 38! I'd say physical condition has alot to do with that more than age though.

Do you think people nowadays are waiting too long to start their families? Are you concerned about the rise in teen pregnancies?

I think too many people are focusing on achieving "perfect" before trying for a first child- many are missing the boat and having their family size have to reduce due to this, many face more pg health issues and birth defects due to delaying and I find that worrying. (That being said I suffered subfertility in my early 20s, several m/c by my mid twenties and have an autistic child who was born in my mid twenties) I think a direct product of us becoming such a materialistic world is we're seeing a delay but we're also staying in school longer, putting off relationships for careers more so eventually that had to have a knock on effect. I think I read somewhere that in some areas the average age of a first time mother is older than the average age of a second time mother- in other words they younger you have them the more likely you are to have a second.

Teen pregnancies don't overly worry me as it's only been the last set of statistics that saw a climb in them- also we have to remember this isn't exactly an epidemic, it's just higher than most in Europe. Statistically teenagers have a lower rate of unplanned pregnancy than 20 and 30 somethings it's just the make better media scandal, 17, 18 and 19 year olds are all in those statistics and many 19 year olds are married in some cultures but still get put into those statistics. What worries me more is the rise in young teen pregnancies- the spike in 12, 13 and 14 year olds we're seeing currently- I think that's a sign of bigger problems in society.

Do you regret the timing of your own children's births? If so, when do you think would have been a better time?

I think it's about 25, at least that's when the internet says our fertility peaks and I for one believe the internet.

I'm married and a mother and I'm 21 this week. It has pros and cons. Finishing my degree with a hungry newborn demanding my services every five minutes is less than easy but on the other hand both me and my husband are totally used to waking up at stupid times of the night and taking afternoon naps and are more than capable of handling nightfeeds because of it. If people think they can handle it in their late 30s or 40s then who am I to judge? The one thing that does bother me is when people put off having children til later in life because it's inconveniant for them or their career and then have fertility treatment on the NHS to achieve it. If you wait out your most fertile years because you're too busy then the rest of the country should not have to pay for you to force your body into something it doesn't want to do.