Terrorist Threat Levels Raised ;)

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Terrorist Threat Levels Raised ;)

Post  aloveofeachcolour on Wed May 20, 2009 10:38 pm

The British are feeling the pinch
in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be
raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A
Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists
have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire
of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the
country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a
heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout
loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans also
increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and
Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are
carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the
Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which
is "Shit, I hope Austrulia will come end rescue us". In the event of invasion,
New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive
position called "Bondi Beach".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its
security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more
escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie
this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet
that has warranted the used of the final escalation level.


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